Prometheus

There are a few things good about this movie, unfortunately they don’t make up for the movie being, well, stupid. If you’re reading this as a part of your decision process to see it in the theater, don't. Overall, the movie misses its mark. Read on if you don’t mind spoilers or have already seen the film.

Good things about the movie are Michael Fassbender’s performance and the cinematography and special effects.

So much for the good aspects.

The script for this movie simply makes no sense. During the opening scene, we are introduced to two archaeologists in love, Elizabeth and Charlie, who find a cave painting depicting giant humanoids pointing out to a star cluster. They connect this to other primitive cultures' depictions of similar humanoids pointing to a similar star cluster (5 stars).

Somehow that’s interpreted as an invitation to come find humanity’s creators (the “engineers”)? They rustle up some funding from Weyland-Yutani corporation - a TRILLION dollars, according to Meredith Vickers, played by Charlize Theron, the chosen Weyland representative. Vickers and crew, aboard the spaceship Prometheus, head to a distant moon. How they were able to narrow down a cluster of 5 heavenly bodies to a single spot in the universe seems ridiculous, but, okay, it moves the story forward.

Once aboard the ship, it seems that Meredith Vickers is in charge, but then a hologram of Peter Weyland, the company founder, instructs them that the archaeologists in love are in charge. Plus we have the captain of the ship, played by Idris Elba, who also seems to have some autonomy. A trillion-dollar expedition where no one is quite certain who’s boss?

Upon arrival at the moon, this lack of leadership is evident as they run off without, seemingly, forming a plan. Cap’n Janek warns them they only have 6 hours of daylight left, but damn the torpedos (!), the archaeologists in love are not going to wait to meet their makers! Ahem.

Other characters on this exploratory mission include a geologist and a biologist. These guys are the best part of the movie. Upon entering a cave complex, the geologist sets out robotic drones that quickly map the subterranean caverns and tunnels. The geologist skillfully leads them through the caverns whereupon they find dead engineers. The geologist and the biologist freak out at this. They knew there was the prospect of finding LIVE engineers and I guess they assumed that they would be friendly, but the fact that they were massacred, 2000 YEARS AGO, is freaking them out. So they split. Not only do they split, but THEY GET LOST. EVEN THOUGH THE ENTIRE PLACE IS MAPPED WITH THE GEOLOGIST’S DRONES AND THEY’RE IN CONSTANT COMMUNICATION WITH CAP’N JANEK. A storm comes and these two are forced to spend the night in the cave. During the night they run into a phallic, alien, snake-like creature. They're trapped underground, millions of miles from home and they're encountering their first live alien which acts just like a king cobra. What does the highly qualified BIOLOGIST, hired to go on a TRILLION-DOLLAR MISSION DO? HE TREATS IT LIKE A GERBIL FOR FUCK’S SAKE, COOING AT IT AND OFFERING HIS HAND TO IT, WHEREUPON ANIMALS ATTACK AND HE AND THE HANSEL-AND-GRETEL GEOLOGIST RIGHTLY SUFFER A HORRIBLE DEATH.

I almost applauded.

I’ll just (try and) stop here. They have an automated surgery pod that is for men only because apparently having breasts and a vagina complicates a pod capable of robotic surgery. The archaeologist in love convinces it to do an alien abortion, anyhow, and with her stomach stapled completes a bunch of action scenes meanwhile the rest of the crew ignores the abortion and the blood-spattered pod. Um, what else? Vickers gets crushed to death by a crashing, rolling space ship because she couldn’t figure out how to run a perpendicular path from it. I guess she thought it was chasing her. There are also tired existential discussions attempting to drive this film and two members of the crew we know nothing about who agree on a kamikaze mission at the end.

There is more. Suffice it say that this movie fails due to lazy writing.

I just hoped this would be better than "Alien 3" or "Alien Resurrection." Please don't make me pick where "Prometheus" fits in the now 3 horrible Alien franchise films.

Snow Edict of Doom™ 2011 - ALIEN gush

"Its structural perfection is matched only by its hostility." -Ash

I enjoyed my first night of 2011’s Snow Edict of Doom™ by viewing the blu-ray of “Alien.” This is very high on my all-time favorite movie list. There are many themes running throughout that are subtly interwoven into a sci-fi masterpiece: feminism, populism, classism, the intersection of technology with human psychology, and many more. There have been books written entirely on the character of Ripley. Hell, there’s even a Shelley/Ozymandias visual reference thrown in. In spite of all of these themes, none of them are too overbearing or exaggerated. In addition to its societal statements, it stands out on a variety of other levels.

It is both a science fiction and horror movie. Its pacing is nothing short of brilliant – when you think someone is going to catch it in the face they don’t. Eventually, they do, of course, but it does a great job of keeping you on your toes even after multiple viewings.

I’m not sure where to even begin with the parasitic face-huggers other than to say, well, gross! I’ve read some allusions to male rape and the androgynous images throughout but if you’re taking the time to read ol’ doug’s blurbs, I’m not going to elaborate, however I must further mention the art design and special effects. H.R. Giger’s design of the alien and sets is unmatched in its creepiness and melding of the organic and mechanical as well as the previously mentioned androgyny. This film was made in 1979! 1979! This was a mere two years after Star Wars and even though its only beginning to show its age in this regard, it was astounding for its time. The fight with Ash is not a special effects highlight certainly, but when they turn Ash back on, it makes up for it by being one of the tensest moments in the film - a fantastic performance by Ian Holm.

In addition to the problem with the special effects during the fight with Ash, it is not a perfect movie, although the flaws are minor in my opinion. There’s a scene of apparent rain in a cargo bay. Maybe it’s condensation, but you could argue that it didn’t make any sense. The self-destruct feature seems out of place on a commercial tow vehicle, but it could be argued that it was put in place for the very reason it was used for, except that the quarantine procedures, albeit their subversion, would seem an adequate measure. It’s a little overboard to design a self-destruct sequence in case the crew gets out of line. As we find out in “Aliens,” the company was most distressed by the destruction of the ship, so why have that “feature?” I’m grasping here to find negative points, so I’ll end on another positive one – the blu-ray makes me very happy. It includes the theatrical release and the director’s cut. I’ve read that Ridley Scott got the cut he wanted for the theatrical release and says the director’s cut is not necessarily preferred – it’s more of an alternate cut. I watched the theatrical release. The transfer is beautiful. I can’t wait to watch the others in the series.

More info:

"Alien" Wikipedia article
"Alien" IMDB entry

Even the trailer is great. Embedding is disabled for it, so hop on over to YouTube to check it out.